50WordWednesdays

Three 50-word stories answering some “questions to ponder.1“

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What do I not need? What is not wrong? What do I not understand?
Here are the top-4 things I do not need, with the one I do not need the most first. 1) To ever relocate — love our house. 2) A retirement job — not bored, don’t need extra cash. 3) Another food to like — like plenty. 4) More age-related aches and pains — sucks. Things in my life that are not wrong include: 1) My choice of a mate. 2) The relief from back pain I’ve enjoyed for a year-and-a-half. 3) The number of friends I have. 4) The result of “planning for retirement.” 5) The number of vacations I take in a year. There are so many things: 1) Why men discard chewing gum in urinals. 2) What the draw is of violence and chase scenes in movies. 3) Our U.S. tax code. 4) How the proof for “1+1=2” can be 300 pages long.2 5) How a stationary car’s wheels can still turn.

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Three 50-word stories about my sources for free books.

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The library BookBub Amazon Prime
The last book I purchased was White Fragility in 2020. I borrow most of the books I read each year from the Wake County Public Library. I’ve added a field to my list of books that I’ve read in 2025 to indicate where I got the book and its format. BookBub is a service that alerts you to cheap or free downloads of ebooks on amazon.com. I only get one that sounds interesting if it’s free — or once I got a $1.99 one for free with a balance on an amazon.com gift card I’d earned participating in a focus group. I get free book downloads from two services available as an Amazon Prime member. At the beginning of each month First Reads presents 9 or so free books to choose one — and sometimes two — from, and Prime Reading lets you borrow up to 10 ebooks or audiobooks at a time.

Three 50-word stories about themed movie posters in our dining room.

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We have these 3 movie posters hanging in our dining room, with a meal-times theme to them.


Breakfast at Tiffany’s Naked Lunch Dinner at Eight
This 1961 movie’s claim to fame is Mickey Rooney’s beyond-cringeworthy portrayal of “Mr. Yunioshi,” which catapults it to the top of “movies that didn’t age well” lists. I read the book, by Truman Capote, and I was stunned that they could make a 2-hour movie out of a 179-page book. I refer to this 1981 movie as “the weirdest f*cking movie I’ve ever seen.” William S. Borroughs, who wrote the book it’s based on, said people’s opinion about the book included: “Disgusting!” “Pornographic, un-American trash!” “Unpublishable!” He adds: “So Hollywood, in all its wisdom, made it into a movie.” This classic 1933 movie had a tagline that stated: “MORE STARS THAN HAVE EVER BEEN IN ANY PICTURE BEFORE. The biggest film sensation in 10 years!” The trailer describes a gentleman “who has outlived everything but his vanity,” and a lady “who would sacrifice everything to give a society dinner.”

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Three 50-word stories about “the nosy neighbor.”

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The trope An instance A good fit
The “nosy neighbor” is a well-known, and some would argue, timeworn trope in entertainment. Some say it’s time to jettison the archetype altogether. Others argue they represent real-life people and should stay — but “be ‘relatable’ and ‘3D’ while serving their purpose.” Lamentably, it’s women most often portraying this character type. Arguably, Gladys Kravitz from Bewitched, is the most famous “nosy neighbor.” One present-day meme describes her as “The Original Doorbell Camera.” She was a grotesquely stereotyped shrewish gossip — always on the lookout for delicious secrets and rumors by peering suspiciously around her living-room window curtains at least once an episode. Crime fiction is a genre in which nosy neighbors thrive — busybodies, gossips, sleuths. They’re the busybody who, over their morning coffee, witnesses a murder while spying on the house next door, and the town gossip who realizes there’s something not right about the family down the block and relentlessly snoops.

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Three 50-word stories about overworked, multiple-domain patron saints.

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St. Lidwina Wilgefortis (a quasi saint) St. Isadore
The patron saint of chronic illnesses and ice-skaters. Ice skating at 15, she broke a rib and sustained a head injury leading to the progressive paralysis of her entire body, and putting her into a deep depression. After a life-long battle with illness, she died at the age of 53. The patron saint of facial hair and gender-fluid people. She grew a beard to make herself repulsive to a king she was being forced to marry — and took a vow of virginity. Enraged, her father crucified her. She’s considered a “folk saint,” especially by women seeking to escape abusive husbands. The patron saint of students, computer users, computer technicians, programmers, and the Internet. Isadore’s knowledge of encyclopedias morphed into the internet, seen as the modern encyclopedia of universal knowledge. I can only imagine the conflicting emotions of becoming a saint only to be assigned to the I.T. helpdesk for eternity.

Source: Engelbrecht, M. (2024, August 7). Catholicism: The 10 most Unusual Patron Saints. The•Collector. https://www.thecollector.com/unusual-patron-saints/

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Three 50-word stories about Bob’s morning routine—all done before I even get up.

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“Solitary” Connections Crosswords
“I won my Solitary game on the first try today,” he says as I’m pouring my coffee. “It was one of those games where the cards just all fall into place, and you’re done.” He’s referring to the card game solitaire — the only game in town according to The Carpenters. Typically, I do Connections just after midnight when the new one comes out. I show my results to him when I get to the breakfast table. He gets out his worksheet, and we compare our journeys to the answers. “I got blue, green, purple, then yellow,” he says comparing them. “I gave myself a B+ today,” he reports. He is referring to the L.A. Times crossword puzzle that I printed and left at his place at the kitchen table to complete his morning routine. His grading rubric is loosely based on how many answers involve having to look up something.

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Three 50-word stories about the nuanced difference between flotsam and jetsam.

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Flotsam Jetsam Lagan & derelict
Flotsam describes debris that floats on the water that often comes from a shipwreck or accident. It may be claimed only by its original owner. A finder may hold it for salvage. If the owner does not claim the goods within a reasonable time, they then belong to the finder. Jetsam describes debris that was deliberately thrown overboard by a crew in distress, most often to lighten a vessel’s load. Jetsam may be claimed as the property of whomever discovers it. If the jetsam is valuable, the discoverer may collect the proceeds received through the sale of the salvaged objects. Cargo left behind intentionally — usually with a buoy attached — to be recovered at a later point is called “lagan,” while anything that sinks to the bottom of the ocean without any plans for recovery is described as “derelict.” These categories, along with flotsam and jetsam, are covered by maritime law.

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What are flotsam and jetsam?
What’s the Difference Between Flotsam and Jetsam?
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Three 50-word stories about ejaculations comprising “gravy.”

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Good gravy! Ohmygravy! Gravy for God
I was on the phone recently with an insurance company’s customer service rep, when she made a mistake twice in a row entering something into her computer and exclaimed, “Good gravy!” It struck me, because she sounded like a young person from whom I’d more expect something like a “WTF?!?” Within just hours of that “Good gravy!” incident, a friend solved the NYT’s Wordle puzzle on the first try and shared those results on her Facebook timeline with the exclamation, “Ohmygravy!” I immediately wondered if more people say that than I think or if I was experiencing the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon. Curious, of course, I did some research. According to one source, the history of saying “Good gravy“ is that it was said by those who didn’t want to utter “Good God!” and take the name of the Lord in vain, thus expressing surprise or anger without a hint of profanity.

Sources: “Good Gravy” by Lisa Adams
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Three 50-word stories about getting Invisalign® braces in my 60s.

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Before During After
I had very-visible metal braces in 1986 when I was 29 years old. 35 years later, on September 30, 2021, I got new-fangled, Invisalign® braces to re-straighten my teeth. Recommended by a friend, I got them at Zaytoun Orthodontics, and the estimated time to complete my treatment was 6 months. Being the overachiever that I am, I finished in 4 months. I swear that the biggest contributor to that was using bite sticks many times a day (instead of just the recommended 3 times), because it was a satisfying substitute for biting my fingernails, which I could no longer do. I got retainers on February 3, 2022, which I’ve now been wearing for 3 years. I’ve only forgotten to wear them 3 nights (unsurprisingly, each after a night of drinking) over those 3 years, and I’ve never once done the proverbial accidentally tossing of them into a McDonald’s trash can.
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