Overheard

Momma, I’m depending on you to tell me the truth.

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A man is sitting in the Planet Fitness locker room — not in the area with the lockers, but in the area with the showers. Why???

He is fully clothed, looking straight ahead, and talking — possibly into a phone, although there isn’t one in sight.

He says into the air: “He was a rolling stone. You know, wherever he laid his hat was his home.”

He was speaking, not singing, and I thought, “Is he speaking the lyrics to that song, or is he talking to someone on the phone and trying to pass that off as an original thought? What’s happening here?”

Then he says: “Yeah, wherever you lay your wig be you home. I know you wear a wig, girl.”

As weirdly riveting as it all was, I’d finished dressing, and I took leave before he gave an update about papa’s outside children and another wife…

Misheard ad

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I was half-listening to the radio when an ad came on that I thought said the word homosexuals, which of course perked up my ears!

Tuning in, I got the context of it being an ad for a home goods store that had sectional sofas on sale.

And what they apparently had said was: “Get these home sectionals before they’re all gone.”

Homosectional

Plumbing repair experience

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We had a surprisingly pleasant and amusing experience with the guy who came out to do our plumbing repairs.

The plumber, Matt, was a nice-looking, young blond guy with tattoos on his neck and elsewhere, and he was as country as a bowl of grits. What an accent!

He was here for about six hours, repairing two of our toilets and our urinal. The urinal repair was quite involved!

I was surprised that he knew how to work on a urinal, as I assumed the plumbing company would have commercial and residential plumbers, and it being less common for urinals to be in houses, the residential plumbers might not be familiar with them.

Matt talked to himself a lot while working. Bob and I were both amused at his ramblings, and we both howled when, at one point during the urinal repair process, he ejaculated: “Holy shit; that worked!”

Later, when we received his emailed invoice for the work, we learned that he wasn’t talking to himself, because this transcript was included:

Called en route
Arrived
Met Robert
Was shown 2 toilets and a urinal

Toilet 1 leaking from tank to bowl bolts
Toilet 2 has a bad flapper
Urinal leaking from bottom, possibly seal or flange

Recommended full rebuild on both standard toilets
Customer approved
Turned off water to home
Rebuilt both toilets with all new components
Turned water back on to home and tested toilets
Toilets working as they should be with no leaks

Explained to homeowner I would have to remove urinal from wall in order to diagnose and make necessary repair
Turned off water to urinal
Cut hard caulking seal
Removed urinal and found broken PVC urinal flange
Non-stock item, had to source from supply house

Drilled out old flange with success ← time of “Holy shit; that worked!” outburst
Cleaned hub
Installed new flange with bolt kit
Made sure flange was level

Allowed glue to cure for a while before setting flange under load with fixture
Set urinal
Secured to wall
Turned on water

Urinal won’t stop flushing
Replaced diaphragm and vacuum breaker
Urinal now flushes and stops when satisfied
Caulked around urinal perimeter

Cleaned up trash and tools
Wrote up notes
Job complete

Customer paid by check

So, apparently, he was not talking to himself but dictating his work progress.

Bob and I both LOLed again at the transcript comment: “Urinal now flushes and stops when satisfied.” Much like ourselves when peeing in it.

Above her paygrade…

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Overheard dollar store employee annoyed with two guys who are there to presumably fix a broken freezer and asking her to empty it first:

“I ain’t doing that. They’re only paying me $14 an hour even after being here 8 years. That’s not enough money to do that kind of work.”